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War Machine

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Martial Artist

The Resume

    (November 30, 1981- )
    Born in Simi Valley, California
    Birth name was Johnathan Paul Koppenhaver
    Mixed martial artist
    Appeared in season six of the reality TV show ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ (2007)
    MMA record of 14 wins (8 by knockout), 5 losses
    Welterweight
    Height: 5’10
    Weight: 170 pounds

Why he might be annoying:

    He was expelled from the Citadel for ‘poor behavior.’ (2000)
    He legally changed his name to War Machine (2008).
    He launched a porn career, appearing in a dozen adult films (2009-10) and in a nude pictorial in ‘Hustler’ with his then-girlfriend, adult actress Christy Mack (2014).
    He was sentenced to three years of probation (February, 2008) for striking a man in the face and choking him into unconsciousness during a scuffle in a Las Vegas parking lot the previous year.
    He served two years in jail (August, 2010-October, 2012) after being convicted of felony assault from bar fights in Point Loma and Pacific Beach.
    He attempted to rape Christy Mack, then beat her, breaking 18 bones and rupturing her liver (August 8, 2014).
    While in jail awaiting trial, he attempted to strangle himself with a piece of linen (October 14, 2014).
    He was convicted on 29 felony counts (March 20, 2017) and sentenced to life in prison (June 5, 2017).
    He kept a prison blog, on which he declared, ‘The oppression of MEN is worse than oppression of Jews in Nazi germany, worse than the slavery of Blacks in early America … I'm not exaggerating either.’

Why he might not be annoying:

    He frequently had to take care of his younger and brother and sister because his mother was addicted to drugs.
    When he was thirteen, he performed CPR on his father in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to revive him after he suffered a heart attack.
    His victory over Jared Rollins in the finale of Ultimate Fighter 6 was named Fight of the Night and Knockout of the Night (December 8, 2007).
    In his suicide note, he was generous enough to ‘forgive’ Mack for dumping him after he beat the shit out of her.
    He will not be eligible for parole until 2053.

Credit: C. Fishel


Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

Year In Review:

    In 2023, Out of 24 Votes: 58.33% Annoying
    In 2022, Out of 12 Votes: 50.0% Annoying
    In 2021, Out of 10 Votes: 100% Annoying
    In 2020, Out of 79 Votes: 54.43% Annoying
    In 2019, Out of 14 Votes: 71.43% Annoying
    In 2018, Out of 8 Votes: 37.50% Annoying
    In 2017, Out of 40 Votes: 50.0% Annoying