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Pope John XII
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Religious Figure
    (937-May 14, 964)
    Birth name is Octavian
    130th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church (955-964)
    When kids these days are just learning how to drive, he entered the papacy (at 16).
    He turned the Lateran Palace into a brothel.
    He was both the political leader of Rome and the spiritual leader of Catholics (not a good match).
    He had sex with just about every warm body in Rome, including other men and relatives.
    In fact he may have had sex with a few cold bodies too.
    He sold positions in the church to the highest bidder.
    He left nothing sacred, and it is said that he had sex on top of the graves of the apostles Peter and Paul.
    When the cardinals attempted to depose him with the help of Otto I, he responded by excommunicating them.
    When he regained control of the papacy, he either dismembered or excommunicated all his enemies.
    It is believed he died from a stroke three months later while having sex with some dude's wife.
    He is considered one of the most evil popes in Catholic history.
    He was the first pope to change his name when he entered the papacy.
    He brought back Caesar-style orgies to Rome (and who doesn't like Caesar-style orgies?).
    His death ended the 60-year Roman Catholic pornocracy.
    Despite the pedophilia, homosexuality, incest, necrophilia and general debauchery, he remained the Pope his entire adult life.
    His true cause of death was probably a politically motivated murder (he was in his 20's when he supposedly 'had a stroke').
    It's hard to blame the man for getting a warped perspective. He was made the divine leader of all Christianity as his voice was still cracking.

Credit: Captain Howdy


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