The Resume

(May 1, 1807-February 19, 1871)
Nickname was Prince John
Graduated West Point (1830; 15th in class)
Fought in the Mexican-American War (1846-48)
Resigned from the U.S. Army to join the Confederate Army (April 20, 1861)
Appointed brigadier general and promoted to major general during the Civil War
Commanded the Army of Northern Virginia against Union Gen. George McClellan in the Battle of Yorktown (April-May 1862) and the Seven Days Battles (June 25-July 1, 1862)
Defeated Union troops in the Battle of Galveston (January 1, 1863)

Why he might be annoying:

His middle name was his mother's maiden name; Bankhead.
What's up with that regal, fancy pants nickname?
He spoke with a lisp.
He was a heavy drinker.
He wrote goofy love songs and sang them in a tenor voice (usually while drunk).
He liked staging concerts and amateur theater productions, but his military career prevented him from exploring this seriously.
He married a rich heiress in 1831, but saw her only occasionally while on furlough.
After 1850 his wife visited him only twice and many acquaintances thought him to be single.
His command during the Seven Days Battles fell into question. The campaign was haphazardly executed and many blamed his heavy drinking for the poor outcome.
After the Civil War he fled to Mexico and joined forces with the Imperial Mexican Army to serve Emperor Maximilian.
The emperor's forces were besieged and he hightailed it out of Mexico before the emperor was captured and executed (May 1867).

Why he might not be annoying:

While attending the University of Virginia he dined with Thomas Jefferson.
He was classmates with Edgar Allen Poe.
He befriended Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis while attending Westpoint.
His victories fighting in the Mexican-American War alongside General Winfield Scott earned him promotions. He upgraded from first lieutenant to captain to major to lieutenant colonel in less than 2 years.
During the conflict he helped defeat Santa Anna in Mexico City, where he taught a young lieutenant named Thomas Jackson (later to become Gen. Stonewall Jackson) the strategic value of a maneuverable artillery.
This maneuver worked for him during the Battle of Yorktown, as he fooled General McClellan into believing he was outmanned.
He is buried in Galveston, the site of his biggest military success.
A companions said of him, 'Magruder was a born soldier ... He would fight all day and dance all night.'

Credit: Scar Tactics

Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

• Generals and Admirals
• I am an Episcopalian
• I Attended University of Virginia
• I Attended West Point
• I Lisp
• Look at Me, I Got My Hands on My Hips
• Look at Me, I'm Armed
• Look at Me, I'm Wearing Military Garb
• Mustaches
• Mutton Chops
• People with John or Mary in their Names
• Profiles 16001-16250 (Ranked: 16099)
• Scar Tactics' Profiles [Series 03]
• Scarecrows [Tall Thin People]
• Served in the American Civil War [1861-65]
• Walruses

Year In Review:

In 2023, Out of 11 Votes: 36.36% Annoying
In 2022, Out of 1 Votes: 0% Annoying
In 2021, Out of 11 Votes: 90.91% Annoying
In 2020, Out of 5 Votes: 80.0% Annoying
In 2019, Out of 3 Votes: 33.33% Annoying
In 2018, Out of 10 Votes: 50.0% Annoying
In 2017, Out of 16 Votes: 56.25% Annoying
In 2016, Out of 5 Votes: 60.0% Annoying
In 2015, Out of 5 Votes: 40.0% Annoying
In 2014, Out of 14 Votes: 50.0% Annoying
In 2013, Out of 10 Votes: 60.0% Annoying
In 2012, Out of 8 Votes: 50.0% Annoying
In 2011, Out of 7 Votes: 42.86% Annoying
In 2010, Out of 37 Votes: 54.05% Annoying
In 2009, Out of 39 Votes: 56.41% Annoying
In 2008, Out of 37 Votes: 54.05% Annoying
In 2007, Out of 75 Votes: 68.00% Annoying
In 2006, Out of 147 Votes: 43.54% Annoying
In 2005, Out of 574 Votes: 62.89% Annoying